Are We Spoiling Our Children?

As I get older and my children grow into adulthood one by one, I begin to ponder how well I’ve raised them.  I loved them all the best way I knew how.  They grew up through both lean times and times of plenty.  Through it all, I tried to provide the best for them that I could offer within the confines of what we could afford.  We made sacrifices so they could live a more comfortable life than we did growing up.

Now that they are older, I’ve begun to wonder if that was the right approach.  Are they spoiled?  An older and wiser friend once asked me that.  But never having been a parent himself, I didn’t give it much too much thought at the time.  I do for my kids because I love them.  I live a life of willing servitude for my family because I enjoy giving to them.  Some are more appreciative than others.  Some have more of a sense of entitlement than any real gratitude that I can see.  Is it just a difference in personality, or did my choices create that attitude?  

Homeschooling has been the forefront of my existence for the last 16 years.  The years flew by in the busy-ness of it all.  I’ve often wondered if I should have chosen another path.  My frustrations with their lack of cooperation and responsibility in their school work frustrated me more as the years went by.  I found myself yelling more often than I’d like, feeling a deep sadness and unhappiness welling up within myself for a number of years.  Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the mom I set out to be…the mom I was in the beginning.  Was the sacrifice too great for the benefits?  I don’t know.  But I gave my best and perhaps more than was wise for my own well-being at times.  Honestly, sometimes, I wonder if I was even cut out to be a mom, much less a teacher, too.

Do you have these kinds of doubts?  If I’ve gone about it all wrong, I guess it’s too late to fix it.  I’m quickly turning them out into the world and wondering what will become of them.  I know I started out with all the best of hopes and intentions, trying to mold their hearts into loving, God-fearing little souls who would leave a meaningful mark on the world, making it a better place than the one they entered. I guess it’s too early to tell if I did my job well or not.  I tremble at the possibility that I’ve failed, because that amounts to a failure of epic proportions…essentially my whole life’s work.  That’s a sobering thought.

In the meantime, I continue to make them three meals a day whether they choose to eat them or not, do all the shopping, do their laundry and put it all away, clean up their messes, make their beds, and clean their rooms.  I surprise them with little treats and treasures to let them know I am thinking of them even when they aren’t with me, and I do all kinds of small gestures and kindnesses to let them know they are special people in my life, and I’ve given them my time, attention, and a heart full of love.

I guess the scary part of parenting is that in the end, you just don’t know how they will turn out.  There’s no instruction manual, and situations arise sometimes to which there is no obvious answer, so you just do the best you can.  There were times I butted heads with my parents, but mostly, I just loved them, respected them, and appreciated their approval tremendously.  I no longer have either of my parents, and I’m sad for that.  I wish I could have shared more of my life with them that time allowed us. 

All I can really do is pray and study the bible and hope I’ve done right by my kids.  But honestly, I just don’t know!  I guess time will tell.

Sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom to offer.  I obviously don’t have the answers to this parenting gig.  But then again, do any of us?